Hello Readers!

I hope each of you is having a wonderful December. This year has gone by quickly. Christmas is right around the corner, then we’ll welcome in a new year. The New Year will be filled with surprises, I’m sure, but it no longer feels as though the road forward is cloaked in darkness, despair, and pain.

How many of you give yourself a gift for the holidays? I am a fan of treating ourselves to something no one else can give us…maybe a splurge on a diet, or a day of pampering…we should treat ourselves to a gift, too. I would like to share with you the gift I have decided to give myself…Healing.

Had you asked me at the beginning of 2015, I would have said the upcoming year was going to be long, painful, and hellish. And at times, it was exactly that. Last December was filled with shock, betrayal, and pain. I reached the lowest point in my life. There were many times I thought continuing wasn’t worth the pain.

This year alone I’ve finalized a divorce, moved to Arizona to live with Favorite Youngest Son, published one short story, welcomed into the family a new daughter-in-law and her son, moved across town to another home after they married, closed down my editing business, beat myself up emotionally for not being able to write, and decided to give myself permission to take the rest of 2015 off from writing. That last bit felt a lot like failure but I now see it as a necessary stepping stone on this journey.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading…for pleasure, for healing, and for motivation & inspiration. I joined a pen pal program to connect with the “outside world.” Meaning, people all over the nation, not just those in my immediate vicinity, to make sure I didn’t allow my hermit-tendencies to take over.

There are two dates coming up, and a friend asked me how I felt about them. The first is December 9. It would have been my 27th wedding anniversary. It was also the day we would decorate the house for Christmas as a family. Even after the boys left home, this continued to be the day we decorated.

The other date is January 16. It will be the new anniversary date I celebrate…the one-year anniversary of my divorce. I truly anticipated having a ton of negativity hit me in preparation of this date.

Back to the self-gifting…I give unto myself permission to go forward with a smile and a much lighter heart. Things are changing almost constantly for me. Sometimes it starts to feel like too much, but I just take a deep breath…and remind myself of all I’ve experienced and survived…and I know I will be able to handle anything else that comes along on this journey of self-discovery…this Road to a Dream.

Favorite Youngest Son and his family will be moving to Hawaii next summer. While they welcome me to come with them, I’ve decided I will stay behind. I can’t afford Hawaii, where a gallon of milk is $10. I know he and his wife would help me in any way I needed. However, I am looking forward to the next stage of this journey…living alone.

My destination isn’t known at this time. There is Western Washington, which is gorgeous and has great weather. I’ve lived there before, so it feels a bit like home. There is always the possibility of staying here in Arizona, but that is probably at the bottom of my list due to the heat and the gargantuan bugs! Then there is Florida, which is where I grew up after my father retired from the Army. I have some relatives there that I would love to spend time with, but again…the weather isn’t ideal for me…I’m not a fan of heat and humidity. North Carolina is also on the list, since that is where Favorite Oldest Son and his family live. But his life is rather fluid at the moment, so I’m not sure how long they will live there…not to mention, heat and humidity! I’ve never lived in the northeastern states, so someone suggested that as a possibility. That would definitely be taking a huge step.

I have many options, as you can see, and my sense of exploration and adventure will serve me well, I’m sure. Geminis aren’t afraid of change, so that will help me, too! I’m looking forward to the upcoming year. I’m hoping to get my writing back on track in January or February, but I’m not going to beat myself up over it like I was a couple of months ago. So, again, my gift to myself this holiday season is the gift of Healing.

What about you, readers? Do you give yourself a gift for the holidays? If so, I would love to hear from you.


Until next we meet on this Road to a Dream…be kind to each other…and to yourself!



2 thoughts on “A Gift to Myself

  1. Ava,

    I went through a divorce 30 years ago after living with my ex for 21 years and being separated from him for 9 years. Trust me I went through every emotion I could go through good and bad. But finally I said quit to myself and think positive for myself and my 4 kids. My girls were still teens and they needed me. I always said I was blessed by God for my children. Then 30 years later I realise I was blessed to have the courage to walk away. He is now in jail.

    Live love and enjoy every day you are given and don’t look back with regret. God sets us on the right path sometimes when we don’t even know it at the time.

    Once you let go you will be able to write again or anything else you might like to do. Believe in yourself.


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