I hope your weekend is going well. Here in SE Arizona, the monsoon season is almost over. (Yeah, I know…I never would have thought “Arizona” and “monsoon season” would go together, either!)
From the Hamster Wheel…
As you know, I have gone through a divorce a few months back and have been trying to get my life back on track and back to some semblance of peace and order. One question that has been rambling through my mind—on that hamster wheel of What-The-Heck-Happened that never seems to stop spinning—was: “How could we have been so out of sync?”
I’m a “Why?” kind of person. I want to know why things happen, why they work or don’t work, and not knowing eats at me until I have an acceptable answer. While I realize this trait can drive me batty at times, and was known to get me into trouble as a child, it’s hard-wired in me.
…to the “Aha”
After a recent conversation with the ex, I was sitting and thinking about all of the things he had said. Just like in the cartoons, I’m sure a bulb appeared over my head in mega-wattage.
The entire conversation had been me talking about our marriage in a timeframe that encompassed the last few years—since his retirement from the military, since our move to Minnesota, since the kids were out of the house—and on the present, which included my “new” path of writing, and toward the future, our retirement years.
Chris’ half of the conversation, however, kept going back to the early years of our marriage, when the kids were home, when he was gone 50% of the time due to military deployments. Everything he talked about was way back in the past.
He talked about the things we argued about decades ago, while I was talking about the things we did recently…date night, late-night runs to the ice cream shop, movies, etc. Things we didn’t think to do back then, or couldn’t afford to do.
The Valuation of the Relationship
As humans, we place a value on each of our relationships. Not monetarily, but simple value to our heart and soul. It’s why we marry ONE person at a time (most of us at least)…we value that person more than the rest. It’s why we have Best Friend(s) and mere acquaintances. We value our neighbors and co-workers to varying degrees, too. Do you give every neighbor a key to your house? Or just the one next door that is always there in a pinch?
Getting to the point…while I was spending time placing a higher value on my marriage’s current years and working toward a future, Chris was placing a higher value on the past, the years gone by. He was remembering all the past fights and difficulties. He is stuck on the hamster wheel of I-Wish and What-If?
Imagine, if you will, two oxen in a yoke. They absolutely have to work together to make progress. If one struggles to turn left, while the other is trying to turn right, what happens? NOTHING! There is no forward movement, no goals being met. It’s a stalemate.
While it would have been great if one or both of us had realized this earlier in the marriage, the fact remains that we didn’t. To this day, my ex is still wishing on things to have been different…in the past. I, on the other hand, am going to continue this journey FORWARD. I will not allow the past to define me, limit me, or direct my FUTURE.
The Best Is Yet To Come
I know, without a doubt, that my best years are ahead of me. This Road to a Dream I’m traveling…of being a writer, exploring who I am and what I want to be, and what impact I want to leave in the lives of those I love and that love me…this road goes forward only. There will be no Reverse. Perhaps once in a while I will have to Park on the side of this Road…but I won’t stay there long. Those stops will be short, perhaps to enjoy the view in a certain moment, or deal with the inevitable problem of the moment. But I will always strive to keep going forward…to a future that has many wonderful possibilities.
Thank you for sharing this week’s posting on The Road to a Dream with me. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments. Just click HERE to leave a comment.
Until next we meet on this Road to a Dream…be kind to each other…and to yourself!
REACH FOR THE STARS, BLAZE A NEW TRAIL, REALIZE YOUR DREAMS